A New Chum

A new friend arrived here yesterday. His name is Montague Egg Panda. Here we are:

As you can see, he is a panda of stature, if not quite the same calibre as myself. He seems to be be a most sensible creature and to possess a strong character. I'm sure we'll get on very well together.

Welcomingly,

PS Panda

This Is War

And in war there are casualties:



All Hail The Glorious Dead!

Jubilant In Sacrifice,

PS Panda

A Phoney War?

Don't you believe it, mate!

Craftily,

PS Panda

Happy New Year

As I'm sure you realise, we pandas celebrate the Chinese New Year, not the Western one; but all the same, Happy New Year to all my friends.

And to the rest of you; I see two futures. One is full of peace and light, the other is dark with bloodstained fur and sightless, splintered eyes.

Your choice, Brown Bears! Saunter in the sun or grovel in the gloom - it is up to you. There is only one way you can earn a Happy New Year of your own:

Free Lupin!

And now on a more cheerful note, here is January's Panda Of The Month:


Isn't he appealing? That's how I want Lupin to look when he grows up.

Yours in monochrome,

PS Panda

Ooh! Oooh!! Ooooh!!!

Look! Do you see what I see?

Could it be possible? I'm nearly sure... those ears... that nose... those beautiful eyes...

Don't you think it could be Him? And that he's escaped his cruel captivity?

I'm bouncing off the walls, I'm so excited! I'm going exploring now!

So excited,

PS Panda

Paffeh'ik Loosahs

Look at this:


Did you ever see anything so childish? So dirty-minded? So totally lacking in wit, humour or guile?

They're dead, and they don't even know it yet.

Scornfully,

PS Panda

It's Traditional, I suppose

So I'm tolerating a Christmas Truce this year. Enjoy it while you can, Brown Bears! The coming twelve months will be long, arduous and bloody.

And you will lose.

Resolute as ever,

PS Panda

I've Done All My Christmas Shopping

Yes, I just got a delivery of AK47s from eBay. All my friends are getting one tomorrow. All my enemies are getting a bullet (or two) in the head the day after.

Ho, ho, ho!

Belligerently,

PS Panda

Brrrr!

It's jolly well freezing here and I don't appreciate it.

I hope Lupin is somewhere warm. I sometimes wonder if I'm not losing sight of him altogether.

Wistful yet cold,

PS Panda

Good Morning!

Ah, yes, hello. Where was I? Oh yes, that's right. Leading a campaign. That's what it was.

Well good. Yes. Er. I ain't scared of no brown bear. Put 'em in the microwave, that's what I say!

Ha-ha!

Anyway, we had a jolly good recruitment party last night. The bamboo wine flowed like, er, wine. Jolly Good.

Here's a picture of our latest warrior, Captain Puffin. Big up the respect, my bro's.


Time for more sausage stew. Right on. Let the challenge begin!

Good.

PS Panda

An Absolute Bloody Disgrace

My Friends,

You will remember yesterday's heartbreaking announcement of the loss of MN Panda. You wept with me, I am sure, at his sad fate.

Your tears, my loyal comrades, were all in vain. Please sit down on your bottoms while I reveal the shocking truth behind the news.

Here is a photo that was taken not fifteen minutes before the ghastly image I published yesterday:


Yes - you have guessed it. MN Panda was not gone before. He had not Fallen, a hero to the Cause.

He was sodden drunk.

And when he was dragged from the undergrowth and revived all he could say was, "I am Mister New Panda. This is what I do."

Well, I ask you! I had thought he was solid. I believed in him. But yet - look closer. Do you not see traces of brown about him? Does he not lack purity of monochromicity? Is he not, in fact, a mongrel?

I should have known.

Disgusted,

PS Panda

Greater Love Hath No Panda

But That He Lay Down His Life In Support Of The Cause.


MN Panda, We Honour You and Your Sacrifice. We Will Never Forget You.

And we will never cease from hunting down those who have done this dreadful deed. Crawl in fear, Brown Bears! Your Doom is near and comes daily closer.

Sorrowful, Yet Strong,

PS Panda

The Time Has Come

Yes, my comrades, at last we are ready to strike a blow for Black And White!

Many of you have already guessed the nature of our enemy. Some of you may not. Some of you may have an idea of his name. Most of you, I suspect, have not.

So let me open my heart to you. Let me share the secret that has been vouchsafed to me.

It was little more than a week ago - a mere twelve days - as I lay sleepless in my den, tossing and turning, tormented by thoughts of the sufferings my beautiful Lupin was undergoing at the paws of his captors, that I was the recipient of a Holy Vision. A Voice spake in my ear, and my eyes saw clearly and were not blinded by the Glory Of The Highest. The Voice spake unto me a Name, and mine Eyes received an Image.

Are you prepared? Do you see clearly? Is your hearing also acute? Then here is the information you have been craving:

This is he whom we seek:

Mark this visage well. Note the vicious criminal cast of its features. Seek it out, even as it repels you with its gross ugliness. And know ye this name:

UNCLE FRED BEAR

Yes, it sounds innocent, does it not? So too, no doubt, did the name of Professor Moriarty strike the unschooled masses of Sherlock Holmes' London. But be not deceived. Just as Moriarty was the Napoleon Of Crime, so is this... bear the worst, the most evil, the most depraved of creatures. Seek him out, I say, for where he is will you also find the jewel in the crown of Pandadom - dear Lupin himself.

Be careful, my friends, for this animal is cunning and crafty in the ways of his kind. He will try to fool you with honeyed words. He will dissemble and pretend innocence. But you, I know, will see through his every stratagem and divine the wickedness that writhes and coils within his perverted mind.

Now go forth! My trust is in you. My thoughts will follow you wherever you go; yeah, even unto the darkest places of the deepest depths of brown bear depravity.

I am praying for you constantly,

PS Panda

PURPLEBOWTIE SPECIAL - THE RALLY

You will have read PS Panda's inspiring address to his people. Now, only on purplebowtie.com, here are dramatic photographs of this epoch-making event, brought to you in glorious monochrome!

We hear you, PS Panda!

All our ears are yours, beloved PSP!

The Honour Guard

Adoration Of The Young Pandas

Our Great Leader, Blessed Be His Name


If the Pandas are United,
They will never,
Be divided!!!


All Hail PS Panda!

This Is Not My Fault

I did not order this act. Let that be clearly understood.

However, it is no surprise to me that some members of the Monochrome Brigade, fired with righteous anger, have decided to, completely on their own initiative of course, strike a telling blow against our enemy. I am sure that you all can find that anger
within your own hearts and feel its blazing heat surging through your veins. I am sure that many of you rejoice to see a foe suffer the consequences of his fellows' evil deeds.

We all want vengeance. We share a common purpose. But wait, my friends. Soon I will make our strategy crystal clear to all. Soon I will name our target. Soon we will move forward.

But we will move united, my friends. We will strike when the time is right, and not before.

Resolute,

PS Panda

No Chance!

I received this pathetic little epistle today:

Orl rite. Ave it ur way. He's not worf nuffink much anyway. A tennor and teh brat's yrs.

Too bloody late, sunshine! We're going to save Lupin AND whup your poo-encrusted tails till it hurts.

Vengefully,

PS Panda

Traitor!

Valentine Panda, I thought you were my friend.

Then my attention was drawn to the message you posted here while I was busy working towards the liberation of Lupin Panda.

I am ashamed of you. I thought we were solid. I trusted you. I thought we could trust one another. But this - this is too much. Let your punishment serve to warn our enemies AND our fair-weather friends. May your pain and despair serve due notice. We are Black And White. We will NOT be defeated.


Disgusted,

PS Panda

On The Brink

Valentine Panda here,

PS Panda has gone out to a rally. He is addressing the Monochrome Brigade at a secret location not far from here.

I should have gone with my friend; to stand next to him, to confirm my allegiance, to proclaim my pride in my black and white fur.

But... I cannot. Something is wrong - something to which I cannot yet give a name. I feel a deep unease, as if I were standing on the edge of an invisible precipice.

We all may make a mis-step and, so doing, fall to our doom and the destruction of our very souls.

Very worried,

Valentine Panda

The Movement Is Growing

Thank you to our southern friends for this message of support:



I couldn't have put it better myself!

Encouraged,

PS Panda

We Are Not Alone

Messages of support are starting to flood in. Here is just one that is typical of the many we have received:



"It is high time that someone spoke up for the monochrome community. We have been polite and subservient for much too long. It is time for action and we of the Polar Bear Nation are proud to join with our black and white comrades. La Lutte Continua!"

(signed)

Saskia Polar Bear