This Is Ridiculous!

China uses panda porn and sexercise to increase population of national icon

I have no trouble at all with the laydeez, thank you very much.

Outraged,

PS Panda

Where were you?

Truffles and I sat up all last night in front of the television, waiting for John Barrowman to come on. Truffles is his biggest fan, apparently.

Well he didn't, which was rather disappointing. We did, however, buy some great fitness apparatus, a nifty Slazenger watch, a globe of the world made of semi-precious minerals and a 10-CD set containing 120 sensational power ballads.

I hope the humans are pleased.

Goggle-eyed,

PS Panda

How Very Useful!

The female human has acquired a new electronic device. As you can see, I have pressed it into use as a means of adjusting my toilette and checking up on my grooming.

Self-admiringly,

PS Panda

A new friend

Let me introduce Truffles Panda:

Isn't he cuddly? Here we are, cuddling:

I think we're going to be great chums. And please; nobody say the L-word....

Hopefully,

PS Panda

Rowan Williams - Barking Mad

I used to think that Cantuar had at least half a functioning brain. But this is just plain silly.

I'm not against Sharia courts as such. We don't have such things here in Wolong, so they don't bother me. No, it's ecclesiastical courts of any kind that get right up my bamboo chute. I suppose it's no surprise that a Lord Spiritual should want to grab himself some Temporal power, but honestly!

Oxford Martyrs, Rowan. Remember?
Spanish Inquisition ring a bell?

Cross,

PS Panda

Pandora's Metal Box Reported to Consumer Direct

Worrying news from the humans!

It seems they ordered some stuff from this outfit in Nottingham:

Pandora's Box
Top Floor
17-19 Long Row
Nottingham
NG1 2DH

tel: 0115 959 9394

well before Christmas last year, but nothing's turned up and Pandora's Box aren't responding to queries.

It's enough to make a panda quite worried, especially as I was thinking how hard I'd look in a Slipknot hoodie. I don't think I'll be ordering any stuff from Pandora, even though their website at www.pandorasmetalbox.co.uk is still open for business and taking payments.

I think the humans are very wise to report them to www.consumerdirect.gov.uk. Let's hope there's a happy outcome. It's no fun having upset humans on the premises :(

Thrashingly,

PS Panda

Quite Ridiculous!

Did you ever see anything so daft?

Puzzled,

PS Panda

On The Telly

It's not often you get to see us monochromists on TV, so it was nice to catch a whole hour's worth tonight:


Yes, I know, there are penguins all the time. Penguins, penguins, penguins. Yawn.

(Mostly) Thrilled

PS Panda

August's PotM

Here he is. I think he's scratching his back, but it's possible that he's actually conducting one of the Mystic Paw Contemplations Of Zen.

Warmly,

PS Panda

Agony

I received this cri de coeur in the post this morning. I would like to share it with you as it touches on a delicate matter which affects all of us from time to time. I have changed some names in the interest of discretion.


Dear PS Panda,

I have lately been suffering from the most terrible attacks of wind which have frightened off the neighbours and made my part of the forest lonely and uninhabitable. What should I do?

Close to despair,

Trumpeting Panda


Dear TP,

You have my deepest sympathy in your affliction. The panda gut is a sensitive organ and easily upset, particularly if there has been a change of diet.

May I ask you - have you altered your dietary habits recently? Especially, have you been tempted to switch to a cheaper brand of sausage?

Times are hard, I know, and the lure of the budget sausage is difficult to resist when your purse is light and your stomach empty. But, believe me, the false economy of purchasing a cheap sausage is exactly that - false. Even expensive wurst and choriso contain ingredients of less than premium quality. So much more so is it when we consider the low-quality end of the market. You would blench if you knew the least of it!

Inflation is the price we all must pay for living in a consumer economy - but inflation of the inwards is, fortunately, completely avoidable. Stick to a good quality Cumberland or Lincolnshire sausage from a reputable manufacturer and all will soon be well and you will once more be able to take your rightful place in panda society.

Do let me know how you get on.

Healthily,

PS Panda

July's Panda Of The Month

Isn't he handsome! And so contented.


Pleased,

PS Panda

My Shame

I have a terrible confession to make.

Soon.

With contrition,

PS Panda

I'm back!!!!

It took a while and I had to jump through quite a few Google hoops to get here but hallelujah!!!

Delightedly,

PS Panda

OMFG!!11!!!11!1

This makes me very happy:



Whereas this unfortunate tale fills my eyes with the waters of deep sorrow: The Lost Paw

Niu Niu, I'm here for you you.

Both Delighted and Distressed,

PS Panda

A New Chum

A new friend arrived here yesterday. His name is Montague Egg Panda. Here we are:

As you can see, he is a panda of stature, if not quite the same calibre as myself. He seems to be be a most sensible creature and to possess a strong character. I'm sure we'll get on very well together.

Welcomingly,

PS Panda

This Is War

And in war there are casualties:



All Hail The Glorious Dead!

Jubilant In Sacrifice,

PS Panda

A Phoney War?

Don't you believe it, mate!

Craftily,

PS Panda

Happy New Year

As I'm sure you realise, we pandas celebrate the Chinese New Year, not the Western one; but all the same, Happy New Year to all my friends.

And to the rest of you; I see two futures. One is full of peace and light, the other is dark with bloodstained fur and sightless, splintered eyes.

Your choice, Brown Bears! Saunter in the sun or grovel in the gloom - it is up to you. There is only one way you can earn a Happy New Year of your own:

Free Lupin!

And now on a more cheerful note, here is January's Panda Of The Month:


Isn't he appealing? That's how I want Lupin to look when he grows up.

Yours in monochrome,

PS Panda

Ooh! Oooh!! Ooooh!!!

Look! Do you see what I see?

Could it be possible? I'm nearly sure... those ears... that nose... those beautiful eyes...

Don't you think it could be Him? And that he's escaped his cruel captivity?

I'm bouncing off the walls, I'm so excited! I'm going exploring now!

So excited,

PS Panda

Paffeh'ik Loosahs

Look at this:


Did you ever see anything so childish? So dirty-minded? So totally lacking in wit, humour or guile?

They're dead, and they don't even know it yet.

Scornfully,

PS Panda