You will remember yesterday's heartbreaking announcement of the loss of MN Panda. You wept with me, I am sure, at his sad fate.
Your tears, my loyal comrades, were all in vain. Please sit down on your bottoms while I reveal the shocking truth behind the news.
Here is a photo that was taken not fifteen minutes before the ghastly image I published yesterday:
Yes - you have guessed it. MN Panda was not gone before. He had not Fallen, a hero to the Cause.
He was sodden drunk.
And when he was dragged from the undergrowth and revived all he could say was, "I am Mister New Panda. This is what I do."
Well, I ask you! I had thought he was solid. I believed in him. But yet - look closer. Do you not see traces of brown about him? Does he not lack purity of monochromicity? Is he not, in fact, a mongrel?
I should have known.
Disgusted,
PS Panda
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